The 12 Days of Christmas: Smash Bros Remix
by Eternal Smasher
Summary: Melee. What do you think? Now with twice the verses and twice the crazy!
1. The 12 Days of Christmas: SSBM Remix

I am late to the party. But it's never too late to celebrate. Everybody loves Christmas! Except for those Jehovah's Witness people and some other religions...

Anyway, let's do it.

_On the first day of Christmas, a Smasher gave to me_

_A Star Rod at the Fountain of Dreams_

Kirby: Catch!

_On the second day of Christmas, a Smasher gave to me_

_Two Falcon Kicks_

C. Falcon: Falcon...PUNCH!!! Oh, I mean Kick.

_And a Star Rod at the Fountain of Dreams_

Kirby: _This_ will leave you seeing stars!

_On the third day of Christmas, a Smasher gave to me_

_Three Home Runs_

Samus: I hit quick!

_Two Falcon Kicks_

C. Falcon: I can get it this time! Fal-

_And a Star Rod at the Fountain of Dreams_

C. Falcon: I wasn't done!

Kirby: Ha ha!

_On the fourth day of Christmas, a Smasher gave to me_

_Four Wizard's Feet_

Ganondorf: Eat my boot! It tastes like gravy!

_Three Home Runs_

Samus: Ew.

_Two Falcon Kicks_

C. Falcon: My feet taste better!

_And a Star Rod at the Fountain of Dreams_

Kirby: Assholes.

_On the fifth day of Christmas, a Smasher gave to me_

_Five Zelda screams!_

Zelda: (screams)

_Four Wizard's Feet_

Ganondorf: Come on! Just one lick!

_Three Home Runs_

Samus: He needs one.

_Two Falcon Kicks_

C. Falcon: (posing for no reason)

_And a Star Rod at the Fountain of Dreams_

Kirby: They don't pay me enough...

_On the sixth day of Christmas, a Smasher gave to me_

_Six Arwings shooting_

Fox: Not me! I'm your friend!

_Five Zelda screams!_

Zelda: (screams, mirror breaks)

_Four Wizard's Feet_

Ganondorf: I'm waiting...

_Three Home Runs_

Samus: (visor broken) Thanks, Zelda.

_Two Falcon Kicks_

C. Falcon: (still posing)

_And a Star Rod at the Fountain of Dreams_

Kirby: (eating a burger)

_On the seventh day of Christmas, a Smasher gave to me_

_Seven Pichus dying_

Pichu: Pichu, Pi...chu...

_Six Arwings shooting_

Fox: Ness! Did you steal another one?

_Five Zelda screams!_

Zelda: (screams, coughs)

_Four Wizard's Feet_

Ganondorf: Free samples!

_Three Home Runs_

Samus: (throws bat at Ganondorf, walks away)

_Two Falcon Kicks_

C. Falcon: (_still_ posing)

_And a Star Rod at the Fountain of Dreams_

Kirby: (eating fries) Want some? They're pretty soggy.

_On the eighth day of Christmas, a Smasher gave to me_

_Eight Ho-oh's burning_

DK: Run!!!

_Seven Pichus dying_

Pichu: Why not Pikachu?

_Six Arwings shooting_

Fox: God, help me! Wait. I can reflect!

_Five Zelda screams!_

Zelda: (screams, gets frozen)

_Four Wizard's Feet_

Ganondorf: (knocked out)

_Three Home Runs_

Samus: (gone)

_Two Falcon Kicks_

C. Falcon: (drinking a milkshake with pills on top) You saw nothing!

_And a Star Rod at the Fountain of Dreams_

Kirby: Zelda had it coming...

_On the ninth day of Christmas, a Smasher gave to me_

_Nine Mewtwos throwing_

Mewtwo: Taste my wrath.

_Eight Ho-oh's burning_

DK: Oh, crap.

_Seven Pichus dying_

Pichu: Leave me alone!

_Six Arwings shooting_

Fox: (reflecting attacks) The power...the power!!!

_Five Zelda screams!_

Zelda: (still frozen)

_Four Wizard's Feet_

Ganondorf: They taste like Mewtwo's wrath! Honest!

_Three Home Runs_

Samus: (still gone)

_Two Falcon Kicks_

C. Falcon: You saw nothing!

_And a Star Rod at the Fountain of Dreams_

Kirby: (sleeping)

_On the tenth day of Christmas, a Smasher gave to me_

_Ten blue-haired swordsmen_

Marth: Ten of me? That's heaven.

_Nine Mewtwos throwing_

Mewtwo: Weaklings.

_Eight Ho-oh's burning_

DK: MY FUR!!!!!

_Seven Pichus dying_

Pichu: (crying like a loser)

_Six Arwings shooting_

Fox: (Reflector breaks) Ow...

_Five Zelda screams!_

Zelda: My throat hurts.

_Four Wizard's Feet_

Ganondorf: Free loofah with each foot lick!

_Three Home Runs_

Samus: (still gone)

_Two Falcon Kicks_

C. Falcon: (drinking another milkshake) Damn it.

_And a Star Rod at the Fountain of Dreams_

Kirby: Hurry up!

_On the eleventh day of Christmas, a Smasher gave to me_

_Eleven Green Missiles_

Luigi: No misfires!

_Ten blue-haired swordsmen_

Marth: I'm not a girl. Remember that.

_Nine Mewtwos throwing_

Mewtwo: I could do this all day...

_Eight Ho-oh's burning_

DK: I look like a shaved...ape.

_Seven Pichus dying_

Pichu: (runs away) You're mean!

_Six Arwings shooting_

Fox: (choking Ness) Not anymore!

_Five Zelda screams!_

Zelda: Still hurts.

_Four Wizard's Feet_

Ganondorf: (foot bathing) Ahh...that's nice...

_Three Home Runs_

Bowser: She's not coming back, dumbass.

_Two Falcon Kicks_

C. Falcon: (beating up Peach) No!! I'm not gonna stop anything! I love my drugs!

Peach: (screaming)

_And a Star Rod at the Fountain of Dreams_

Kirby: You're a jerk.

_On the twelfth day of Christmas, a Smasher gave to me_

_Twelve short Italians_

Mario: Peach! I'll save you! Like I always do! (throws bomb at C. Falcon) Did you call me short?

_Elev-_

Mario: Hey! Just because I'm short doesn't mean I'm not important! (beginning to cry) Small people can do big things! (runs away, crying, repeating "Small people can do big things!")

_...Eleven Green Missiles_

Luigi: (shaking his head) We're brothers _why?_

_Ten blue-haired swordsmen_

Marth: (flips hair)

Link: That's my stance! (gets into a fight with Marth)

_Nine Mewtwos throwing_

Mewtwo: (laughing)

_Eight Ho-oh's burning_

DK: (burned black) Well done. (faints)

_Seven Pichu's dying_

Pichu: (about to stab himself) I can't take life!!!

_Six Arwings shooting_

Fox: (still choking Ness)

Ness: I didn't do anything!

Fox: Yeah, ri- (gets blasted into oblivion)

Ness: ...

_Five Zelda screams!_

Zelda: (trying to break up Marth/Link fight)

Marth: Ha-ha! My name went first!

Link: Shut up!

_Four Wizard's Feet_

Ganondorf: Somebody lick my toes... (to Yoshi) You. Come here.

_Three Home Runs_

Bowser: I hit slow. Leave me alone.

_Two Falcon Kicks_

C. Falcon: (naked) You burned off my clothes.

Mario: (laughing)

Peach: Those weren't _performance _enhancing drugs after all... (laughing)

C. Falcon: Yeah. I'm small. So are you!

Mario: (shocked)

Peach: That is the biggest lie ever. The biggest...

C. Falcon: Ew.

_And a Star Rod at the Fountain of Dreams!_

Kirby: Sorry for that, ladies and gentlemen. So long!

Fox: (lands on Kirby) Ow...

Yay! That took longer than it seems. For those of you loyals that didn't read my bio, I have another account. Read it to find out...


	2. ReRemix

_It's been almost a year…time to make some new verses. Will they be as crazy as the previous? Maybe. Will they be crazy? Duh._

_On the first day of Christmas, a Smasher gave to me_

_A Star Rod at the Fountain of Dreams_

Kirby: …Hey, wait!

_On the-_

Kirby: Stop the singing!

_Oh, fine. What?_

Kirby: I didn't agree to this.

Ganondorf: Yeah! I was supposed to get my feet licked! My dreams never come true!

C. Falcon: (posing for no reason) Watch the flex!

Kirby: Dumbass. I don't wanna do this again!

Mr. Game & Watch: (beeping furiously)

Roy: He's right! I wanna be in the song too!

Ice Climbers: Us too!

Falco: …Oh, right, me too. Whatever.

Pikachu: Is Pichu here? (looking around)

DK: No, he was whining about something like "no place in the world". Wimp.

Kirby: If I agree to let the song continue, will you leave me alone?

_Yes._

Kirby: Forever?

_…Yes._

Kirby: For_ever_?

_Let the damn song play._

Kirby: Okay. I'm in the "spirit" again. Please continue.

_On the second day of Christmas, a Smasher gave to me_

_Two Mini-Links_

Young Link: (looking at himself in the mirror) Holy crap, two…oh my God, two! Look guys!

_And a Star Rod at the Fountain of Dreams_

Kirby: (throwing stars at birds)

_On the third day of Christmas, a Smasher gave to me_

_Three Hot Dogs_

Mr. G&W: They're _sausages_, thank you.

DK: Either way… (bites sausage) They suck. (gets slapped)

_Two Mini-Links_

Y. Link: (still looking in mirror) This is so crazy! Oh my- dudes, check this out! There's me…and then there's me! (gasps, laughs)

_And a Star Rod at the Fountain of Dreams_

Kirby: (running away from angry seagulls)

_On the fourth day of Christmas, a Smasher gave to me_

_Four Blazing Boys_

Roy: (on fire) YES!

_Three Hot Dogs_

Mr. G&W: Sausages!

DK: (shoveling sausages into mouth) So crappy…but…can't stop eating… (coughing, continues shoveling)

_Two Mini-Links_

Y. Link: (poking "his" finger, giggling)

_And a Star Rod at the Fountain of Dreams_

Kirby: (eating apples)

_On the fifth day of Christmas, a Smasher gave to me_

_Five Zelda Screams!_

Zelda: Aw, man. (screams)

_Four Blazing Boys_

Roy: (still on fire) I'm _so_ hawt…

_Three Hot Dogs_

Mr. G&W: (to himself) They're (beep)in' sausages. Why won't the voice listen? Why?

DK: (still shoveling)

_Two Mini-Links_

Y. Link: (takes picture of reflection)

_And a Star Rod at the Fountain of Dreams_

Kirby: (eating apples)

_On the sixth day of Christmas, a Smasher gave to me_

_Six Yoshis Dancing_

Six Yoshis: (dancing) We're dancing! Yay!

Green Yoshi: Oh no! The Shy Guys want to dance too!

Yellow Yoshi: Come on! They're only mildly dangerous. Let 'em in!

G. Yoshi: Fine…

_Five Zelda Screams!_

Zelda: (screams) Falcon, get away from me with that thing!

Falcon: What, my mistletoe?

Zelda: No. That twig you colored green and wrote "mistletoe" on the side of.

Falcon: Playing hard-to-get, huh?

Zelda: I'm not _playing_ anything.

_Four Blazing Boys_

Roy: (_still_ on fire, swinging sword around) Don't be hatin'! I gots mad skillz, son!

_Three Hot Dogs_

Mr. G&W: …(shrieking) SAUSAGES!

DK: (slams Mr. G&W into the ground) What'd you put in these? (continues shoveling, starts crying)

_Two Mini-Links_

Y. Link: I wanna take me with me…heh, that's weird…

_And a Star Rod at the Fountain of Dreams_

Kirby: Can't wait till this is over. (sucking on candy cane) Can't wait.

_On the seventh day of Christmas, a Smasher gave to me_

_Seven Parrots Squawking_

Falco: I hate you.

_Six Yoshis Dancing_

Blue Yoshi: We're still dancing!

All Yoshis/Shy Guys: Yay!

_Five Zelda Screams!_

Zelda: (sipping tea)

…_Four Blazing Boys_

Roy: (on fire, eating red peppers, chuckling)

_Three Hot Dogs_

Mr. G&W: Yes…eat, my pretty…

DK: (crying and shoveling) I can't breathe…

_Two Mini-Links_

Link: (looking in Young Link's mirror) …Dude…

Y. Link: I know, right? It's awesome!

_And a Star Rod at the Fountain of Dreams_

Kirby: Can you speed it up?

_On the eighth day of Christmas, a Smasher gave to me_

_Eight Doctors Flipping_

Dr. Mario: I can flip! (does backward somersault, lands on face) Ow.

_Seven Parrots Squawking_

Falco: Stop calling me a-

_Six Yoshis Dancing_

White Yoshi: I'm white!

White Shy Guy: I'm white and sparkling!

White Yoshi: (punches White Shy Guy) Shut up!

All Yoshis/Shy Guys minus White: Yay!

_Five Zelda Screams!_

Zelda: Link, stop looking at yourself!

_Four Blazing Boys_

Roy: (blazing) Hey Zelda. Wanna share some body heat?

_Three Hot Dogs_

DK: (choking)

_Two Mini-Links_

Link/Y. Link: This is the coolest thing I have ever seen. (laughing)

_And a Star Rod at the Fountain of Dreams_

Kirby: Aw, I'm out of stars…(takes out a pack of AA batteries)

_On the ninth day of Christmas, a Smasher gave to me_

_Nine Bowsers Belching_

Bowser: (belches in Falcon's face) Beat that!

Falcon: (coughs) Ew…awesome! (poses)

_Eight Doctors Flipping_

Dr. Mario: Wait, let me try again! (does backward somersault, lands on Samus) Hey, you're here too? (gets blasted by a missile)

_Seven Parrots Squawking_

Falco: (cocks Blaster) Where are you? Answer me, you bastard!

_Six Yoshis Dancing _

Green Yoshi: I'm tired!

All Yoshis/Shy Guys: Yay!

_Five Zelda Screams!_

Zelda: …

_…_

Zelda: …

_…_

Zelda: …

…_Four Blazing Boys_

Roy: (blazing, whining) Zelda, answer me…

Marth: I want your body heat.

Roy: …

_Three Hot Dogs_

Mr. G&W: Go, my assassin! I'm done teaching you…

DK: (grunts, eats a sausage, walks toward Popo)

_Two Mini-Links_

Y. Link: (recording himself with digital camcorder)

Link: (waving to himself)

_And a Star Rod at the Fountain of Dreams_

Kirby: _Why_ are you guys so dumb?

_On the tenth day of Christmas, a Smasher gave to me_

_Ten Tiny Mallets_

Nana: What the- what happened to my (beep)ing mallet? (holds up mallet in pinkie, shuddering gasps)

_Nine Bowsers Belching_

Bowser: (belches fire in Falcon's face, chuckles)

Falcon: (charred, black, and bald) Dude.

_Eight Doctors Flipping_

Dr. Mario: I believe in myself! (does a backflip off a brick wall, lands on ass) … (crying)

_Seven Parrots Squawking_

Falco: (holding rocket launcher) You're lucky you're a voice. Bitch.

_Six Yoshis Dancing_

Blue Shy Guy: (explodes)

Yellow Yoshi: It doesn't matter!

Red Yoshi: (faints)

All Remaining Yoshis/Shy Guys: Yay!

_Five Zelda Screams!_

Zelda: I'm _not_ screaming.

_Four Blazing Boys_

Roy: (blazing with Luigi)

Luigi: Yeah, man…

_Three Hot Dogs_

DK: (choking Popo)

Nana: (crying) Stop it! Get off of him! This Christmas sucks!

_Two Mini-Links_

Y. Link: (holding mirror in front of mirror) Trippy…

_And a Star Rod at the Fountain of Dreams_

Kirby: (asleep)

_On the eleventh day of Christmas, a Smasher gave to me_

_Eleven Singing Balloons_

Jigglypuff: (mouth taped, angry muffled squealing)

_Ten Tiny Mallets_

Nana: (still crying)

Ness: It's Christmas! Cheer up!

Nana: (beep) YOU! (throws tiny mallet in Ness's eye)

Ness: Ow! Mother-

_Nine Bowsers Belching_

Bowser: (getting slapped by Zelda repeatedly)

_Eight Doctors Flipping_

Dr. Mario: (warrior cry, does two forward somersaults, crashes into a wall, muffled) Sh(beep).

_Seven Parrots Squawking_

Falco: (sighs) Shut the (beep) up already!

_Six Yoshis Dancing_

All Yoshis/Shy Guys: (fighting)

_Five Zelda Screams!_

Zelda: I'm busy! (continues slapping Bowser)

Peach: (joins in)

_Four Blazing Boys_

Luigi: (still blazing, holding a cigarette) Light me.

Roy: (not on fire) Ah, light yourself. Jerk.

Luigi: Hee.

_Three Hot Dogs_

DK: (slamming Popo into the ground while shoveling sausages into his own mouth)

Mr. G&W: (laughing evilly)

_Two Mini-Links_

Y. Link: Okay, I'm getting bored. (looks around) Ooh, a fish!

_And a Star Rod at the Fountain of Dreams_

Kirby: (wakes up) Huh? Is it almost over?

_On the twelfth day of Christmas, a Smasher gave to me_

_Twelve Giant White Gloves_

Master Hand: (thunderous laughter) Give me all your money!

Marth: Don't you pay us?

MH: …Silence, fool! (slaps Marth's hair off)

Marth: (screams like a girl, faints)

Crazy Hand: (plucks Marth into a wall)

_Eleven Singing Balloons_

Jigglypuff: (breaks free) Free! Now… (about to sing, gets squashed by Master Hand)

MH: (chuckles sinisterly)

_Ten Tiny Mallets_

Nana: (running from Ness)

Ness: (chasing Nana with a straight razor) MERRY CHRISTMAS, BITCH!

_Nine Bowsers Belching_

Bowser: (belches in Crazy Hand's face…?) Heh.

CH: Oh, please! Check this out! (inhales deeply, farts loudly)

Bowser: …How'd you-

CH: DON'T ASK QUESTIONS! (pokes Bowser hard in the stomach)

Bowser: (coughing)

_Eight Doctors Flip-_

Dr. Mario: I quit! (beep)! (storms away cursing, slips on a banana peel, does perfect backflip) …I did it. I DID IT! I- (gets thrown into the same wall as last time by Master Hand)

MH: Who put that cliché there? WHO DID IT?

_Seven Parrots Squawking_

Falco: (shooting around erratically and angrily)

_Six Yoshis Dancing_

Green Yoshi: Aw, the song's ending! (gets stabbed by a sharpened limbo stick) Yay…

_Five Zelda Screams!_

Zelda: (leaving, gets grabbed by Crazy Hand)

CH: All I can say is this. You _will_ enjoy it! (flies away)

Zelda: … (supersonic scream)

_Four Blazing Boys_

Roy: (holding lit match to himself)

Luigi: (blazing) That scream hurt…

_Three Hot Dogs_

Popo: (bloody and motionless)

DK: What have I- (eats sausage) done? (starts crying) Game & Watch, your sausages are evil…

Mr. G&W: (chuckling sinisterly) My formula works…(gets squashed by Master Hand) Didn't hurt!

MH: Oh, yeah…(steals Roy's match, lights up G&W)

Mr. G&W: (running around) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (runs into Roy, sets him on fire)

Roy: …YES!

_Two Mini-Links_

Y. Link: Zelda broke me…aw…(drinks egg nog)

_And a Star Rod at the Fountain of Dreams_

Kirby: Yes! It's done! Merry Christmas and SCREW YOU ALL! (runs away, entire area explodes)

Mewtwo: (appears out of nowhere) … (places sign reading "Mewtwo was here…fools!") Yes…

…_Yeah, that was it. No more! All gone! Goodbye!_


End file.
